Southern Boy vs.Blogger- Vendetta

It is 2 pm on a Sunday afternoon, and since I have an hour until football (Manning FTW), I was going to add some zing, pizzazz or whatever you want to call it to the blog ( and that's the bottom line- because I SAID SO!!) However, the powers to be at this fine website, enjoy adding more obstacles in my life. Even though I will graduate from the iTeach Laptop learning program ( fingers crossed), I still am having difficulties with aspects of technology. I regret to inform you then, unless I receive some divine intervention ( Dear God- you OWE ME!!), this blog with have minimum technological gadgets, and long periods of me describing my rants, raves, and misadventures in full detail ( I'll try not to bore you) Therefore, I, Southern Boy, Swear........A VENDETTA!!! VENDETTA!! VENDETTA!! (Simpsons reference# 2) This vendetta is against Blogger, for your lack of user-friendly help and support. The terms of the vendetta ( vendettas have terms?) are as follows: until I receive the help I need in adding youtube clips, games, additional commentaries, and anything else I deem relevent, I will verbal slam this website in my future posts. "So let it be written, so let it be done!" ( 20 dollars and a practice teaching handbook goes to the first person who can tell me what movie the quote was from) And now that the venting is complete, I must leave, for I have two presentations tomorrow to prepare for (a slow and agonizing death for whoever invented mondays!) I'll be back later to post my latest blog - GO LAKERS GO!! ( Also known as Drink before, during, and after the Lakers hockey game Southern Boy, Drink!!!

Colts and Saints in Miami- you heard it here first

Happy Halloween!! (You're Under Arrest!!!)

It's halloween night in North bay, and I've been invited to an AWESOME house party by one girl in my section. (EPIC WIN!!) The plan is to meet up with my buddy at his house, and then take a cab to the party with two other guys in my section. I get the information I need to get out to Lakeshore for the very first time. I get off the bus and walking in the general direction of his house, when I realize that I never got his address! (EPIC FAIL) After using the phone at Macs Milk to frantically try and get a hold of him, because I left my cell phone at home (EPIC FAIL), my agenda for that evening drastically changed. Instead of partying with girls wearing revealing costumes in a warm house (I can dream, can't I?) , I was searching up and the street for my buddy's place in the freezing cold. Because it was halloween night, I reasoned that, since people having been knocking on doors all night, it would be perfectly acceptable for myself to knock on complete strangers' doors, to inquire about the whereabouts of my friend. (Wait for it) The first couple of people who answered their doors were polite enough to tell me they never heard of my friend. However this one gentlemen, who smelled like he was bathing in Prairie Fire (see earlier blog), must have imagined I was after his girlfriend or something. (uh I have EYES buddy-pass) He told me, in no uncertain terms, that if I did not get the F of his property, he's was going to call the F'n police! (Really, he'd be better off calling to order another pizza for his girl, except that the society for the prevention of cruelty to pizzas would not allow it!) I happily leave his property to resume my search for my buddy's place, except I noticed that a familiar shadow was rapidly approaching me as I walked down the street. The gentleman ( and I use the term very loosely) again was convinced that I was a trouble maker up to no good (insert evil laugh here), and again told me that he would call the police if I did not leave the neighbourhood! (seriously buddy, go home and try bathing in WATER for a change) I can only be polite for so long, so my response to him was to go home, leave me the F alone, and if he had a problem with me, to grow some balls and call the damn police! (Power to the South!!) I walk away, feeling triumphant in my reply, and again resume my search. As I approach the end of the street, I see the same guy driving towards me, waving in my direction. (wtf?) Then I noticed that two police cruisers have their sirens on, and are heading in my direction! (insert profanity of choice here) I almost decide to approach the policemen and complain about the gentleman who was harassing me, even though he was the one who called the cops in the first place. I then realize that if I was a police officer in a Northern town, who would I side with? A long-time ( and with my luck well-respected member of the community), or a southern boy that represents everything I hate about big cities? ( that hurts) I decide that I would rather not find out, and I tried to disguise myself by taking off my glasses, and putting my hood up to hide my face. (that's gangster :P) I then walked quickly onto the opposite side of the street, and did my best Forest Gump impression by RUNNING MY SOUTHERN ASS DOWN LAKESHORE as fast as I possibly could! I stop to catch my breath at a bus stop, and decide to wait for a bus to get me back home quicker (Burns Street here I come!), except no bus arrives, except a bus on the OTHER side of the street that will take me
back to the same area! Hoping that the cops would not pull over a city bus, I race across the street and boarded the bus that brought me back to the danger zone! (insert suspense music here) While on the bus, I see two cruisers parked side by side, and officers patrolling the neighbourhood for the public enemy known as yours truly (hold your applause please). As my motorized saviour leaves the flashing lights of the cruisers behind, I smile at the fact that I avoided spending the night downtown, and concentrated all my efforts on getting home as quick as possible. After I was in the sanctuary of my room
( Final Score- cops-0, Southern Boy-1, Prairie Fire Psycho- negative 20) I felt anger over the missed fun with my section mates tonight (insert sad music here), and decided to watch episodes of Married With Children in order to (laugh) myself to sleep. ( Dear Al, thank you for making my halloween in North Bay less pitiful by just being yourself. Sincerely, Southern Boy)

"The South-west shall Rise Again!! (target-The Zoo!)

A short while after the birthday blowout, (or should I say spew-out) I ended up getting talked into going out with my section mates for Saturday night at Cecil's (stop # 5,6,or 7 on the "route" depending on who you talk to) I was told that we would meet at Cecil's around 10 p.m. , and take it from there. My landlord drops me off at 10:15 p.m. at Cecil's (what a nice guy) and I stand around waiting, and waiting,and waiting and waiting (and) waiting for SOMEONE I know to show up! Apparently they were too busy pre-drinking to remember to SHOW UP to Cecil's! I waited a good hour-and -a half outside with no iPod (because I'm poor) and no jacket (because I'm an idiot that didn't want to look like a damn southern boy wearing a winter jacket in early October, even though it's -10 degrees outside) I finally realized that my mates ditched me, and after shaking my fist at them with rage, (Simpsons reference #1) I go in between Cecil's and the Zoo to warm up, grab a drink ( rum and coke ftw) , and assess the situation. During my pre assessment (fancy teacher word) I realize three things:
1. I'm downtown in North Bay by myself without knowing any soul around
2. Girls are easier to pick up when they are intoxicated (write that fact down fellas)
3. I'm 50 feet away from the infamous Zoo club, playing music I actually like
While talking to people in other sections on campus, I discovered that the Zoo is the most "dangerous" place in North Bay. Fights, needles and stabbings are what happens when people go to the Zoo on a Saturday Night. At this thought, I become petrified with fear, and wonder if I can catch the second period of the double-header on Hockey Night in Canada if I leave right now. ( hockey reference #1) Then I realize that while my home city also features awesome clubs like Dean Martini's, The Boom Boom Room and 29 Park, it borders with Americans that like to cross the river to get drunk in Canada on a Saturday night, bringing their guns with them. I then stand up and exclaim ( to no one in particular)- " The Zoo? Man I'm from Southern-Ontario, I ain't scared of the Zoo!!" With a bravado unseen since Vimy Ridge (Historical reference #1) I stroll into the club, and immediately scope out my targets on the dance floor. After some successful (and unsuccessful) attempts, I dance behind this one girl, who then vice grips her hands around my hands, as if to say "uh-uh cutie, you're not going anywhere!" ( arrogant reference #1) I end up behind her a good portion of the night (and trust me fellas, she was worth it ;) when her friends want me to kiss her. Since it's apparently not polite to say no to total strangers (and because I'm an opportunist at heart) I make my move on her, and we end up making out not once, twice but three times on the dance floor! (if I'm lying, I'm dying-remember that) Second last song of the night is announced, and while I'm checking my wallet to make sure I have enough jimmy caps for this chick, (safety first!) She transforms into Usain Bolt, and her and her friends race out of the Zoo and into a cab waiting outside, and drive off while I'm chasing after her ( EPIC FAIL) I never saw her again, never got her name, and took a cab back to my place and crawled into bed.
I may have lost the battle, but not the war. Remember boys and girls, THE SOUTH-WEST SHALL RISE AGAIN!!!

How I spent my Birthday in North Bay (and why I can never show my face at the Wall again!!)

Okay, I am fortunate enough to have ample bad luck that two things happened to me:
1. My birthday was on a Monday in September, the day I am supposed to travel back to North Bay
2. After 3 days of orientation, I spend my birthday with Junior/Intermediate section mates who have little idea WHO I AM!!

All in all, I'm expecting to have a lonely birthday celebration, so I decide to go to the wall the next night for Toonie Tuesday (aka stop # 1 on the "route"-I'll explain later) by myself and get drunk to commemorate the day I was born and 24 years later abandoned somewhere in Northern Ontario. All of sudden, my section start showing up; they want to party, and to party with ME (" YOU LIKE ME, YOU REALLY LIKE ME!!"-Sally Fields) Bad news: their idea of partying= me getting so drunk I can't walk out the place! That being said, every time someone showed up, they brought a beer for me! ( If you don't believe me and think I'm sad and pathetic for making this up, come find me somewhere in the Eddy caf, and I'll show you the picture I have with four beers in my hand, and four people around me smiling!)
Later on that night, the guys decided I should we do some shots to celebrate my birthday ( except in this case, we= me!) Conventional wisdom aside, I drink the shot, only to find out it is something called "Prairie Fire" ( which by the way, we have NO "prairie fire" back home) I ran to the bathroom afterwards to puke MY GUTS OUT, because apparently the deadly concoction is made of tequila and tabasco sauce!! WTF is that!! What drunk dumb-ass went " I have an idea, let's take something that numbs all the muscles in the body, and something that parents use as punishment for their kids, and make a drink out of it!"
Meanwhile, the stalls in the bathroom are closed, so inside of opening a stall and becoming friends with the toilet, I decided to puke 4 times in the urinals, right in front of THREE WALL SECURITY GUYS!! Even though I have a Bachelor of Arts :P I decide in my drunken wisdom to approach one and offer this verbatim verbal gem, " Bro, do you have any paper towels, I just puked 4 times in the urinal!" His obvious response, " No, but you gotta go!" My response (in sequential order)
" What about my beers?"
"What about my friends?"
"Hey man , be nice to me, it's my birthday!"
The misadventure ended right there, as my nauseating drunken ass was placed in a cab and sent home to sleep it off. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

*Later on, I discovered that the guys in my section wanted to get me so hammered, that I would miss our 8:30 am class the next day. I showed up at 8:20 am. Final score- guys in J/I 0, Southern Boy still smelling of vomit from the night before-1 ( as any Leaf fan will agree, a win is a win!) No one's birthday celebration in my section has even came CLOSE to my outing so far (it's good to be # 1)

Introduction to A Southern Boy

Okay first of all, after spending a couple months up here in the (the Great White?) North, I decided I would comment on my Nipissing University from a perspective of someone born and raised south of North Bay. That being said, there are a few statements that need to be clarified in order to proceed:

1. I am currently enrolled in the Bachelor of Education program at North Bay (For the multitude of EDDIE haters- DEAL WITH IT!! At least you can have "your" school back when we're gone for our long practicum!)

2. I am in the Junior/Intermediate Section (but you will have to guess the number :P

3. I am a 24 old year old male (which means that my intoxicated adventures are perfectly LEGAL!!)

4. I will NOT tell you what city I'm from ( hint: it's in Ontario, and it is IMPOSSIBLE to go up to it, unless you live in the United States)

5. I love the Toronto Maple Leafs- I just had to warn you

That being said: OFF WE GO!!!!