Okay, I am fortunate enough to have ample bad luck that two things happened to me:
1. My birthday was on a Monday in September, the day I am supposed to travel back to North Bay
2. After 3 days of orientation, I spend my birthday with Junior/Intermediate section mates who have little idea WHO I AM!!
All in all, I'm expecting to have a lonely birthday celebration, so I decide to go to the wall the next night for Toonie Tuesday (aka stop # 1 on the "route"-I'll explain later) by myself and get drunk to commemorate the day I was born and 24 years later abandoned somewhere in Northern Ontario. All of sudden, my section start showing up; they want to party, and to party with ME (" YOU LIKE ME, YOU REALLY LIKE ME!!"-Sally Fields) Bad news: their idea of partying= me getting so drunk I can't walk out the place! That being said, every time someone showed up, they brought a beer for me! ( If you don't believe me and think I'm sad and pathetic for making this up, come find me somewhere in the Eddy caf, and I'll show you the picture I have with four beers in my hand, and four people around me smiling!)
Later on that night, the guys decided I should we do some shots to celebrate my birthday ( except in this case, we= me!) Conventional wisdom aside, I drink the shot, only to find out it is something called "Prairie Fire" ( which by the way, we have NO "prairie fire" back home) I ran to the bathroom afterwards to puke MY GUTS OUT, because apparently the deadly concoction is made of tequila and tabasco sauce!! WTF is that!! What drunk dumb-ass went " I have an idea, let's take something that numbs all the muscles in the body, and something that parents use as punishment for their kids, and make a drink out of it!"
Meanwhile, the stalls in the bathroom are closed, so inside of opening a stall and becoming friends with the toilet, I decided to puke 4 times in the urinals, right in front of THREE WALL SECURITY GUYS!! Even though I have a Bachelor of Arts :P I decide in my drunken wisdom to approach one and offer this verbatim verbal gem, " Bro, do you have any paper towels, I just puked 4 times in the urinal!" His obvious response, " No, but you gotta go!" My response (in sequential order)
" What about my beers?"
"What about my friends?"
"Hey man , be nice to me, it's my birthday!"
The misadventure ended right there, as my nauseating drunken ass was placed in a cab and sent home to sleep it off. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
*Later on, I discovered that the guys in my section wanted to get me so hammered, that I would miss our 8:30 am class the next day. I showed up at 8:20 am. Final score- guys in J/I 0, Southern Boy still smelling of vomit from the night before-1 ( as any Leaf fan will agree, a win is a win!) No one's birthday celebration in my section has even came CLOSE to my outing so far (it's good to be # 1)
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